SERIES: Love (4 of 4)
Importance of Integrity In Relationships

People with integrity do what they say they’re going to do. Others make excuses.

The definition of INTEGRITY is pretty straight forward (steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code, American Heritage Dictionary), but beyond the definition, there are several connotations to integrity. It’s not just the idea of living by a code, but living by that code when nobody is watching, because it is a part of who I am (not something that is being put upon me).  Integrity is something that others can require of us, but if we don’t require it of ourselves, it’s just a matter of time until everyone finds out we are a fake.

Obviously on your job, integrity is a pretty big deal. No Department, or person for that matter, is perfect, but I wear my (volunteer organization) jacket and tell people with pride that I am a pastor who volunteers with the Police Department. I believe most officers I have the chance to observe hold themselves to a high standard of integrity.
   
I think most of us would say we strive to be people of integrity in our personal lives as well. One way to check our integrity is look at where we make excuses. Thinking this month about love, relationships, family/marriage...what have you told your family/spouse or yourself that you are going to do, that you still struggle with following through to do? Have you made a commitment to be more present (not distracted with work emails, checking cell phone, etc)? Not just “be” at an activity with your family, but to be involved and interacting with them in it? Make it to more games/recitals/concerts? Plan more thoughtful date nights? Do more small things to show “I love you”...or even say, “I love you” more often?  Have you stopped to set some personal goals to grow in your relationships and make them better?
   
Thinking about your family/marriage relationships, are you more of a “I do what I say I’m going to do” person, or are more of a “positive, hopeful person who really wants to do a lot of the things I say I’m going to do?” 
   
No guilt trips today...we can ALL do better. Just something to think about...an (internal) integrity check. “Where do I need to do what I say I’m going to do and quit making excuses in my relationship with my family/spouse? I want the BEST for them and for our relationship!”
   
I am praying for the best for you and your family/spouse!
Pastor Rob

Links to other posts in this series: Love - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

SERIES: Love (3 of 4)
Fight For Love

Fight for love instead of finding reason to fight.

This month I’ve been sharing thoughts about love, marriage and relationships. On the one hand, it has nothing to do with being a cop, but on the other hand, how fulfilling can it be to be Officer of the Year, promote and have all success on the job if your marriage/relationship is falling apart?

Taken From a Marraige365.org Email
Love is a choice that becomes a verb, and from it flows the feelings of love we so desperately desire.
   
Did you know that as human beings, we are innately wired to try to justify our actions through our feelings? It’s just how we work. So, if you walked up to a stranger every day for a month and punched him in the face...by the end of the month, you would most likely hate him simply because your brain would have spent that entire time working to justify your actions. In the same way, if you hugged a stranger every single day for a month, by the end of it, you would most likely feel positive feelings of connection toward them in some way.
   
I believe that when we are the most healthy versions of ourselves, our actions should create our emotions and not the other way around. Feelings, while important and valid, are often fleeting and should not be allowed to dictate the majority of our decisions. Instead, it is important for us to challenge ourselves to look at our spouse with open eyes and recognize that there is much to be gained from choosing to love them, even when we believe they are undeserving. After all, how many times (even if we do not realize it) do they do that for us. Love is a choice and it has the power to break down walls and build bridges if we allow it to. CHOOSE LOVE It’s worth it.
~ Used by permission, Marriage365.org

I am praying for you on the job this week, but I’m also praying for your marriage, your family & your relationships. If I can ever offer resources or confidential help to you, please let me know.
   
Your service is appreciated,
Pastor Rob

Links to other posts in this series: Love - Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

SERIES: Love (2 of 4)
Love Languages

If you are married or in a relationship, are you ready for Valentine’s Day on Friday? If you’re in a relationship and any good at it, you know expressing your love and commitment only on special days a few times a year does not cut it. This month I’m focusing on keeping our relationships, especially marriage commitments, a “big rock” in our life...something we put first.
   
I don’t know if you’ve seen the funny taco meme on the front of this card before or have heard of The 5 Love Languages behind it, but the pastor that married my wife and me almost 27 years ago used this in our premarital counseling. It has been such a helpful tool for me in my marriage that I also include it in my premarital counseling with couples I marry, and I want to share the brief version with you today (as well as a couple other resources to help strengthen your marriage/relationships).
   
The basic idea behind the 5 love languages is that each of us has a “love language”...a way that we most naturally feel/receive love. Some people need to hear words (Words of Affirmation): “I love you. You look nice today. You handled that situation well...you’re good at that.” Others feel loved appreciated by small Acts of Service: “Can I bring you a drink while I am up? I emptied the dishwasher because I know you don’t like to. I took your car out and gassed it up for you.” Who doesn’t like getting gifts, right? But to some people, a thoughtful gift says, “I really love you. I care enough to know what you like, and so I got you this. You are valuable enough to me for me to get this special something for you.” (Receiving Gifts). For some people, the most important thing to them is Quality Time, away from distractions, just BEING with you. Lastly, there are those who feel especially loved through Physical Touch. This is not just sexual touch, it’s holding hands, a hand on the shoulder, touching their face, putting an arm around them, a long hug. The important thing to remember is this: know how your SPOUSE (or significant other) receives love and love them THEIR way...not yours. See the back of this card for resources I pray will strengthen and encourage your marriage/relationship.

Resources for RELATIONSHIPS
5lovelanguages.com
PoliceOne.com/marriage - There is also a section “Family and Home” that has several good articles for police marriages
Marriage365.com - go to marriage365.com/blog/23-valentines-texts-to-send-your-spouse for some fun texts to send this week!
Awesomemarriage.com (Christian)

Your service is appreciated,
Pastor Rob

Links to other posts in this series: Love - Part 1, Part 3, Part 4

SERIES: Love (1 of 4)
Make Relationships A Big Rock

I come here each week to say thank you for what you do on the job, and when I say “I’m praying for you this week”, I mean that, too. I always pray for your safety and for you on the job, but I also pray for your families, relationships and marriages. If your job is going great, but your marriage is falling apart, that’s not OK. Since we think of love, Valentine’s Day, etc. in February, I’d like to share a few thoughts about relationships this month.
   
Many are familiar with an exercise known as ‘Stephen Covey’s Big Rocks’. Imagine a bucket. Put 3 or 4 big rocks in. “Is the bucket full? ” “No” you reply. “Of course not” I say and put some smaller rocks in it to fill in the gaps. “Full now?”, “No”. I put in some sand, then some water. It’s full.
   
So, what’s the point here? It’s to do with the order. What would happen if you’d reversed the order? Put the water in first, then the sand, then the small rocks. There would be no room for the big rocks. These big rocks are the important things in your life. You need to schedule them first, not try to squeeze them in after arranging the small rocks (social commitments, overtime jobs...), the sand (training, new procedures...) or the water (writing reports, keeping up with email...).
   
What are the big rocks in your life? This differs for different people, but they usually include things like family/relationships, time for yourself to unwind and re-energize, places/activities where you make a difference, etc. Basically, they’re not the hundreds of things that keep us busy each day, the big rocks are the 3 or 4 things that will matter at your funeral.
   
Some of my favorite Facebook posts to see are of officers (even married officers) on date nights. I like to see what you’re into, and it says you are investing in your relationships. Relationships that are invested in are healthier and last longer.
   
Valentine’s Day will come and go this month, but I encourage you to be intentional in making love/relationships one of your big rocks for life. This month, I am praying for you as you invest in your relationships, that they are healthy and long-lasting.
   
Your service is appreciated,
Pastor Rob

Links to other posts in this series: Love - Part 2, Part 3, Part 4