Why would anybody want to be a cop in today’s culture? That is the question that kicked off this series. As I was praying for you and was thinking about this, the word LOVE came to mind and this definition of love (listed on the front). I thought to myself, “I’m not sure how much cops are going to be encouraged by somebody recognizing their love for others.” I don’t know any cops who are driven to do what they do “for the warm fuzzies”.  Why would I try to encourage cops with a passage often read at weddings? And then I thought about what I teach couples about this definition of love during pre-marital counseling before I perform their wedding. Love is a decision, a commitment, that is acted upon...sometimes regardless of feelings. If this is the BEST pillar on which to build a marriage (and I believe it is), why would it not be the BEST pillar upon which to build one’s life and character both off and on the job?

Being a good officer obviously requires a demanding skill set, but on a character level, who wouldn’t want a person in authority

1. to be patient in the face of provocation (BEARS all things);
2. to treat those they encounter with respect even though that person messed up because they are looking for the best in the person (BELIEVES all things);
3. to help those they encounter see choices that will create a better future for them (HOPES all things);
4. to value serving people enough to continue serving in spite of the job being dangerous, frustrating, stressful and often misrepresented (ENDURES all things)?

​You can’t be a good officer based on character alone...you have to have the skills. But the great way of life we enjoy in America would not be possible if officers only had skills and not character.    As I think about the culture in which you serve today, I am thankful both for what you do (your skills) and for who you are (your character). Thank you for bearing, believing, hoping and enduring all things to continue serving our the people of our city.

Your service is appreciated,
Pastor Rob

Love Series - Week 1   Week 2   Week 3   Week 4

One of my “go to” questions when I talk to officers is, “What made you want to become a cop?” I’ve heard, “I wanted to catch bad guys.” “My family are cops.” “I always wanted to be a cop” and even, “I wanted to help people.” One answer I have yet to hear is, “Because I love people.” I am a pastor, so if I tell people I do what I do because I love people, they might nod their head and think, “Oh, isnt’ that nice.” But if a cop were to say that, I wonder what kind of reaction you would get? Even if you got into law enforcement because you were one who wanted to help people, you probably wouldn’t use the words, “I love people.” That’s not how our culture thinks about love. Instead of action that stems from commitment, our culture makes love a feeling. If you’re anything like me, you probably don’t “feel” love towards people all the time. But love is not just a feeling and sometimes love is what we do in spite of how we feel (if you’ve been happily married for a length of time, you know what I mean).
   
A couple weeks ago, reading the news, I asked myself the question, What would make you, as an officer, want to continue serving in the face of such misplaced, deliberate, manipulated and targeted hatred from our media-driven culture today? and this definition of love from the Apostle Paul came to my mind. Your actions are driven by a commitment, and that kind of self-sacrifice in the face of apathy, rejection or outright hatred is the very definition of love.
   
The Apostle Paul said love bears all things, believes all things, HOPES all things and endures all things. “Hopes all things” is similar to “believes all things”. Believing all things means believing the best for a person even though they may not deserve it at the moment (it gives them another chance).  Hoping all things means waiting with confidence to see someone live up to their potential (which often means seeing something in someone they do not see in themselves at that point).
   
My prayer for you this week is that you will find one person for whom you can “hope all things” and it will encourage them to live up to their potential. 

Your service is appreciated,
​Pastor Rob

Love Series - Week 1   Week 2   Week 3   Week 4

My heart was grieved this past week to see the “You’re Next” Tweet with all the ignorance and hatred behind it. I wanted so desperately to find a way to encourage and express my DEEP appreciation for officers who serve (I believe answer a calling) in the midst of this cast-off-restraint, crazed culture in which we live. I was thinking about you, and wondering why you would want to continue serving in the face of such misplaced, deliberate, manipulated and targeted hatred. As I was praying for you, this Scripture, usually read at weddings, came to mind. The Apostle Paul penned these words and he described what love looks like. Love is not an emotion, it is a commitment that follows up with actions. I could think of no better word to describe your service to our City in these messed-up times. Pausing my Wisdom series, I’d like to spend the next few weeks encouraging you with these words from an ancient letter challenging/encouraging its readers about what LOVE looks like.
  
LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS
I have mentioned several times the horrible things I have heard said about officers, their mother, etc from somebody taking a ride in the back seat of your car on the way to jail. I’ve heard officers taunted. On the news during the protests officers were screamed at, spit on and provoked every way possible. I know it’s training and I know it’s what you “have to do”, but continuing to serve people after being treated like this, bearing these kinds of things, is love in action. I am sure you don’t “feel” love towards people in these situations, but love is not a feeling. Loving people, treating them right despite their actions, is a choice and says more about your character than about your feelings.
  
I have been burdened this week by the “all things” you bear as you serve a society where many do not appreciate your sacrifice. Not only am I praying for you this week as you love and serve our City, but I want to be a reminder that it’s not the majority that has to shout the loudest. You have MANY in Arlington who respect and appreciate what you do and I am one of them!

Your service is appreciated,
Pastor Rob

Love Series - Week 1   Week 2   Week 3   Week 4

SERIES: Love (4 of 4)
Importance of Integrity In Relationships

People with integrity do what they say they’re going to do. Others make excuses.

The definition of INTEGRITY is pretty straight forward (steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code, American Heritage Dictionary), but beyond the definition, there are several connotations to integrity. It’s not just the idea of living by a code, but living by that code when nobody is watching, because it is a part of who I am (not something that is being put upon me).  Integrity is something that others can require of us, but if we don’t require it of ourselves, it’s just a matter of time until everyone finds out we are a fake.

Obviously on your job, integrity is a pretty big deal. No Department, or person for that matter, is perfect, but I wear my (volunteer organization) jacket and tell people with pride that I am a pastor who volunteers with the Police Department. I believe most officers I have the chance to observe hold themselves to a high standard of integrity.
   
I think most of us would say we strive to be people of integrity in our personal lives as well. One way to check our integrity is look at where we make excuses. Thinking this month about love, relationships, family/marriage...what have you told your family/spouse or yourself that you are going to do, that you still struggle with following through to do? Have you made a commitment to be more present (not distracted with work emails, checking cell phone, etc)? Not just “be” at an activity with your family, but to be involved and interacting with them in it? Make it to more games/recitals/concerts? Plan more thoughtful date nights? Do more small things to show “I love you”...or even say, “I love you” more often?  Have you stopped to set some personal goals to grow in your relationships and make them better?
   
Thinking about your family/marriage relationships, are you more of a “I do what I say I’m going to do” person, or are more of a “positive, hopeful person who really wants to do a lot of the things I say I’m going to do?” 
   
No guilt trips today...we can ALL do better. Just something to think about...an (internal) integrity check. “Where do I need to do what I say I’m going to do and quit making excuses in my relationship with my family/spouse? I want the BEST for them and for our relationship!”
   
I am praying for the best for you and your family/spouse!
Pastor Rob

Links to other posts in this series: Love - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

SERIES: Love (3 of 4)
Fight For Love

Fight for love instead of finding reason to fight.

This month I’ve been sharing thoughts about love, marriage and relationships. On the one hand, it has nothing to do with being a cop, but on the other hand, how fulfilling can it be to be Officer of the Year, promote and have all success on the job if your marriage/relationship is falling apart?

Taken From a Marraige365.org Email
Love is a choice that becomes a verb, and from it flows the feelings of love we so desperately desire.
   
Did you know that as human beings, we are innately wired to try to justify our actions through our feelings? It’s just how we work. So, if you walked up to a stranger every day for a month and punched him in the face...by the end of the month, you would most likely hate him simply because your brain would have spent that entire time working to justify your actions. In the same way, if you hugged a stranger every single day for a month, by the end of it, you would most likely feel positive feelings of connection toward them in some way.
   
I believe that when we are the most healthy versions of ourselves, our actions should create our emotions and not the other way around. Feelings, while important and valid, are often fleeting and should not be allowed to dictate the majority of our decisions. Instead, it is important for us to challenge ourselves to look at our spouse with open eyes and recognize that there is much to be gained from choosing to love them, even when we believe they are undeserving. After all, how many times (even if we do not realize it) do they do that for us. Love is a choice and it has the power to break down walls and build bridges if we allow it to. CHOOSE LOVE It’s worth it.
~ Used by permission, Marriage365.org

I am praying for you on the job this week, but I’m also praying for your marriage, your family & your relationships. If I can ever offer resources or confidential help to you, please let me know.
   
Your service is appreciated,
Pastor Rob

Links to other posts in this series: Love - Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

SERIES: Love (2 of 4)
Love Languages

If you are married or in a relationship, are you ready for Valentine’s Day on Friday? If you’re in a relationship and any good at it, you know expressing your love and commitment only on special days a few times a year does not cut it. This month I’m focusing on keeping our relationships, especially marriage commitments, a “big rock” in our life...something we put first.
   
I don’t know if you’ve seen the funny taco meme on the front of this card before or have heard of The 5 Love Languages behind it, but the pastor that married my wife and me almost 27 years ago used this in our premarital counseling. It has been such a helpful tool for me in my marriage that I also include it in my premarital counseling with couples I marry, and I want to share the brief version with you today (as well as a couple other resources to help strengthen your marriage/relationships).
   
The basic idea behind the 5 love languages is that each of us has a “love language”...a way that we most naturally feel/receive love. Some people need to hear words (Words of Affirmation): “I love you. You look nice today. You handled that situation well...you’re good at that.” Others feel loved appreciated by small Acts of Service: “Can I bring you a drink while I am up? I emptied the dishwasher because I know you don’t like to. I took your car out and gassed it up for you.” Who doesn’t like getting gifts, right? But to some people, a thoughtful gift says, “I really love you. I care enough to know what you like, and so I got you this. You are valuable enough to me for me to get this special something for you.” (Receiving Gifts). For some people, the most important thing to them is Quality Time, away from distractions, just BEING with you. Lastly, there are those who feel especially loved through Physical Touch. This is not just sexual touch, it’s holding hands, a hand on the shoulder, touching their face, putting an arm around them, a long hug. The important thing to remember is this: know how your SPOUSE (or significant other) receives love and love them THEIR way...not yours. See the back of this card for resources I pray will strengthen and encourage your marriage/relationship.

Resources for RELATIONSHIPS
5lovelanguages.com
PoliceOne.com/marriage - There is also a section “Family and Home” that has several good articles for police marriages
Marriage365.com - go to marriage365.com/blog/23-valentines-texts-to-send-your-spouse for some fun texts to send this week!
Awesomemarriage.com (Christian)

Your service is appreciated,
Pastor Rob

Links to other posts in this series: Love - Part 1, Part 3, Part 4

SERIES: Love (1 of 4)
Make Relationships A Big Rock

I come here each week to say thank you for what you do on the job, and when I say “I’m praying for you this week”, I mean that, too. I always pray for your safety and for you on the job, but I also pray for your families, relationships and marriages. If your job is going great, but your marriage is falling apart, that’s not OK. Since we think of love, Valentine’s Day, etc. in February, I’d like to share a few thoughts about relationships this month.
   
Many are familiar with an exercise known as ‘Stephen Covey’s Big Rocks’. Imagine a bucket. Put 3 or 4 big rocks in. “Is the bucket full? ” “No” you reply. “Of course not” I say and put some smaller rocks in it to fill in the gaps. “Full now?”, “No”. I put in some sand, then some water. It’s full.
   
So, what’s the point here? It’s to do with the order. What would happen if you’d reversed the order? Put the water in first, then the sand, then the small rocks. There would be no room for the big rocks. These big rocks are the important things in your life. You need to schedule them first, not try to squeeze them in after arranging the small rocks (social commitments, overtime jobs...), the sand (training, new procedures...) or the water (writing reports, keeping up with email...).
   
What are the big rocks in your life? This differs for different people, but they usually include things like family/relationships, time for yourself to unwind and re-energize, places/activities where you make a difference, etc. Basically, they’re not the hundreds of things that keep us busy each day, the big rocks are the 3 or 4 things that will matter at your funeral.
   
Some of my favorite Facebook posts to see are of officers (even married officers) on date nights. I like to see what you’re into, and it says you are investing in your relationships. Relationships that are invested in are healthier and last longer.
   
Valentine’s Day will come and go this month, but I encourage you to be intentional in making love/relationships one of your big rocks for life. This month, I am praying for you as you invest in your relationships, that they are healthy and long-lasting.
   
Your service is appreciated,
Pastor Rob

Links to other posts in this series: Love - Part 2, Part 3, Part 4